The Lead Psychologist on grieving is a woman, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Her assistant is a man, David Kessler. I believe men experience the grief process differently.
It is a similar process, yet women are prone to lay in bed and think about life. Eventually, thought repression is maintainable when negative thoughts are identifiable. A woman cries and though the thoughts might be inaccurate there is a reasons to do whatever needs to be done to continue with life. The grief process is manageable. She is on her way to bettering life.
Men are different. I have seen a similar look in men after grieving. They understand there was a death of a friend; they were rejected by someone, or life has changed because the fantasy will not resolve problems. They need a new plan after physical engagement. After going to the forest on a trip with friends; falling off a hill when they roll into a bush of poison sumac; where they walk though poison nettle, and lay in a freezing cold river stream they experience grief.
They know there is no going back in time only forward. They cannot undo their Father's death or fix the mistake of dropping out of school. They cannot reverse every decision a painful experience. They can learn from the past and do better in the future. Someone close dies, but they do not let go of every part of their life to "grieve." They might grieve forever and everything will become awful.
As a child, I experienced a lot of grief. There were many realizations though meditation. Around fourteen, I decided that belief in Jesus made people want to commit suicide. It was difficult finding a new religion. It should probably be Atheist. I changed my mind about belief in God as an adult. Remembering repressed thoughts, deeper thoughts effecting actions, was an action of survival.
Feeling alone for a long time, I always chose to be respectable friends. This is not a measurement according to social standards of wealth or etiquette. It is a bias towards who I feel deserves respect. For example: I believe in environmental cause and they recycle plastic. There were experiences common. I know they are a decent person and occasionally think they are wise. This experience includes men.
After successfully experiencing a grief realization, people relax. There is a look in their eyes. It is a mixture of brightness, calm and sadness. It is difficult to make eye contact when talking about certain topics and an uneasy, slump posture. Everyone experiences a sense of outrageous amounts of emotion and then relaxation. It is like knowing something is changing for the better. This is different than trying to grieve and still having nervous energy because everything is about the same.
Without tons of Patients to test my theory, there is a noticeable difference in stories when someone is in a similar state of being. A woman talks about a situation that merits grief and then she says she spent all day thinking about life. Now she has several realizations about life and wants to express them to friends. A man sits in a chair or stands, almost establishing a sense of superiority, in a group of friends. Men let him tells the story of his latest adventure while explaining the cast, moon boot or bruise.
There is an innate understanding between men of what is happening. It is not clearly explained in any scientific terms. A woman might wonder around ignoring what is happening, yet there is obviously a sharable social interaction.
I do not claim to know how men think. I imagine it is about the same as a women, except, a few instinctual differences. While running, they think of every moment in their life and it runs in tandem with the activity. Maybe it is like a cool haze without any identifiable conscious thought or activity. I experience both. Thoughts are occurring. It is a feeling of thought. As identifiable information is available; it rises into my regular thoughts as evidence or important clips of sight, sound or touch. Frequently, I feel as though I am running through a desert with only the soft sounds of making contact with the sand while sitting on the couch or laying in bed.
In any event, it might help to become physically active to deal with grief. Men and women could benefit from these activities. When stubbing a toe; I look for assistance. However, men should start figuring out a method to "blow off some steam." Jog, walk around, hit a pillow or toss cards into a hat obsessively. It really serves a purpose.
Whether slamming the locker door a billion times until it breaks and cuts them; running for miles until spraining their ankle and crying over the intense pain, or fighting the same guy at school with name-calling and other harassment until that guy damages them in a fight let men resolve the issue for themselves. If they do not know they are grieving, it might be a good idea to suggest gardening or other less deadly activities, such as: driving fast cars or harassing the guy who might buy a gun.
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