Emotional Recovery

Recovery from terminal illness has many highs and lows. Frequently painful diseases release hormonal painkillers into the body. These painkillers are naturally produced by the body and prepare the body and mind for death. Drugs like morphine are similar; except, an antidepressant assists in removing depression and thoughts of suicide.

It makes sense. The body prepares the mind for death through varying levels of depression, suicidal thoughts and euphoria. A person recovering from painful injuries and severe illness will continue having these feelings. Full recovery is longer than simply curing the illness. I believe pharmaceutical antidepressants are harmful after an illness is cured. Several people become addicted and the addiction becomes an illness.

After being treated for hypothyroidism, I was referred to a Psychiatrist so they could prescribe drugs. It felt like three months. After piecing together a time-line of events, it was more like six to eight months. Hypothyroidism effects neurons and memory. Everything is scattered into feelings; ergo, things like time sheets, work history and majors events with dates are helpful.

I lowered, not increased the dosage when having problems. I cut my own hair and bleached it. There were tendencies to feel angry or out-of-control. The Psychiatrist thought about changing the medication; however, I wanted to lower dosage.

Lowering dosage is good enough. After having to cut the lowest dosage in half for a few months I felt secure enough to handle my own emotional highs and lows. Everyone has emotional highs and lows. The difference between a crazy and sane person is how we handle the highs and lows.

After a few years I met someone else with the same illness. They also recovered. They were going to group theory sessions and attempting to discontinue use of antidepressants. There are natural supplements. They assist in clearing their body of the drug. There are several naturally cleansing foods that are helpful. This is not as provable as stopping use of the drug and letting my body naturally readjust to feeling healthier. Even then there is not enough people to establish a hypothesis.

My experiences with recovery are good. Having morose feeling did not interfere with developing coping skills. Several of my tips for developing coping skills relate to this experience. It is almost like being a child again, yet having to deal with the world of work and school. There is an objective to graduate from school, yet I would stay up to late. Finding work and paychecks more rewarding then paying to sit in a classroom, it was difficult to find an effective plan. School was good for my future, yet there were several unresolved issues. Grieving took longer than usual for several years. In addition, my current thoughts and ideas for completing goals were inadequate.

It is easier to think about whatever will motivate me; instead of, trying to form a cognitive plan like go home at a regular time to have time to go to work and school. People will understand. Instead, it is easier to decide everyone hates me, become defensive and prove them wrong with fierce determination to show they are hateful people who will know they do not know anyone when I graduate.

Coping happens in steps. I am happy to say most thoughts or situations that might send me into an associated series of suicidal thoughts currently infrequent, maybe once or twice a year. Each time one would happen I would evaluate if it was rational. Next was finding out why February is the month to quit or lay around in bed all day. February becomes January and December until realizing I had unresolved grief around people who had passed away that month. The fiercely happy months became dismal until Halloween was the only great holiday. Facts about seasonal suicide and people feeling lonely encouraged defense, anger and sadness. Twists of feeling inadequate encompass everything until shutting down on wanting to hide in my room, until figuring out what it is. I still feel this way, unlike previous years, though no longer transcend into suicidal thoughts. I just loom around and focus on work or school.

Now whenever caught off guard by a situation that promotes old thoughts of suicide, I feel suicidal and roll around in bed. I might cry and then realize there are actually great aspects to my life. I might feel spoiled and soft because my life is really not all that bad. Thinking about sadness places events into focus and coping skills develop.

I will not marry everyone so is what someone else thinks about me important? I am a mature person who doesn't want to sleep with everyone, so why should I feel everyone should want to sleep with me? I know that's not what I want. That would make me a slut, so they are admirable in making their personal tastes in relationships apparent. I feel bad, yet life is good.

With increasing frequency, I lay in bed to evaluate feelings and do not feel suicidal. I rest, think and cry. It feels good. I get up and enjoy life. It was nice to release those feelings.

Sometimes people think they have control over other people's lives or that having feelings is a manipulation. It isn't. It is uncomfortable watching someone in pain. Masochism is fairly normal. Most people have a minimum of one masochism that relates to past trauma.

Cutters are notorious. People say a lot of things about them, yet they get everything they want out of the experience when they cut. It makes them feel something in relation to the pain. You do not have to be extremely nice. You do not have to make their pain go away. They are not passive-aggressively trying to get you to do something you would not want to do. When they are ready they will stop. I recommend not making their life harder. It is a subconscious event. They might cut more frequently because they need to fix whatever is wrong with them more quickly.

Think about what the most appropriate action is and try to respond like a normal person. I frequently let people cry out their feelings. Perhaps if it seems as though they want attention, I try to facilitate them. It is occasion by occasion. Do they want to be alone? Do they want to talk to someone? It is exactly like dealing with any other person, yet knowing they are kind of out-of-control. Which is the same as dealing with any other person.

Learn how to be nice. Life is not perfect. Life continues every day. There are methods to shut down emotions and act "professionally." There are many emotional highs and lows. Even people who are overly emotional towards people who are being overly emotional are nice. They are going on doing what they are doing. They are ups and downs. I do not have to feel personally responsible, yet thinking of a responsible response show sympathy.

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