Hero or Nuisance

When do you know if a person is a snitch, whistle-blower, tattle tale, gossip, protecting themselves from abuse, protecting other people from abuse, hosting an intervention or reporting a crime? I have a handful of tips to identify each circumstance, yet each circumstance clarifies with maturity.

People hear phrases like, "Never rat on friends." What if someone is saying they are friends to prevent you from telling everyone about abusive behavior? Are they your friend even though they cheat, steal, harass and abuse you verbally or physically? Is it worthwhile to be friends with someone who is abusive or better to tell them they are not your friend?

I knew someone who said, "I never steal from friends." It became clear that friends never assert needs for private space or demand respect, because if I did they stole my property. Their statement was basically, "Be nice to me even when I am mean to you or else." Every time I found something missing, it was clear we are not really friends. Should I feel bad about telling everyone about the weird person, who enjoys stealing, insists on going to my home? The friendship is over and I am happy.

When identifying someone who does not care about you or an awful person there is nothing wrong with saying something about it. The idea is to avoid snitching on friends. There are not friends. Even if they want to be friends, which they probably do not, make a personal choice to avoid mean people.

Changing the topic, interventions are essentially gossip. It is known when a friend talks about private information or something most people have negative opinions about, it is better avoid discussing it with other people. However, if the secret is extremely damaging to them and you need more help to try to control the situation, it might be a good idea to tell mutual friends.

The difference between gossip and interventions is gossip involves bringing attention to one's self by exposing people's secrets. Interventions bring attention to helping people through difficulties. Gossip is about being a Drama Queen and people do not like Drama Queens. If there is something to share, it should be about yourself. Stop sharing information about everyone else, because it might hurt their feelings or actually cause harm to them.

If someone gets awful grades at school, they should keep their secret. They have a plan and do not need additional attention. If someone is gay, yet unsure about telling other people, it is probably fine to talk about it and let them tell other people as necessary. Sometimes secrecy is an advantage when trying to address problems. Offer suggestions and advice. They just want some help.

When finding out about much bigger issues, when they are in constant danger, tell someone who is a mutual friend. Everyone can think of a plan to help them. The person hiding abuse might be upset because they do not want different treatment, like they need help, yet they need more help than what a single person can offer. Sometimes it isn't just one big issue, it is an ongoing issue until realizing it is a good idea to bring it to people's attention. Abusive people do not like exposure. Bringing attention to and issue might be the noticeable portion of a larger problem. It is difficult knowing if it is appropriate to say anything.

Sometimes it is easy to know if someone is in trouble, yet our instinct is to remain quiet or let someone else handle the problem. A person can get in trouble for calling the Police too often. There is a fine for reporting crime falsely and it is possible to become a nuisance. After being labeled a nuisance, the Police emergency calls are taken less seriously. There is also a fine, so accurately reporting crimes is a serious issue.

At one time, I was hesitant to report crimes. A friend and I sat on the porch at night. A new neighbor moved in. I am slightly ashamed by how long it took to report the crime. There was somewhat frequent screaming, name-calling and weird noises that sounded like people throwing things or being pushed against the wall. It was loud and a disturbance.

I cannot say if it was the mother or older siblings abusing younger children, yet we and most people in the neighborhood were fine with them raising their children. One day we saw the youngest son walking around. He had a black eye, so we finally reported it to the Sheriff's Office. Maybe someone would patrol with the window down. One night we decided to place a phone on the porch. Even when it started again, we were hesitant to call the emergency hotline. A few minutes passed until picking up the phone. The Police would now know there was abuse in the home.

It is difficult knowing when to call Police. Kids are known for throwing tantrums and screaming when Parents try to raise them. Kids screaming at not wanting to go anywhere, getting out of the car, falling by accident or wanting a toys. They cry when their diaper needs to be changed. When is a person interfering with raising a child or reporting abuse? It is difficult for most people to determine. However, I am certain that whatever was going on at home was worse than living with a Foster Parent that barely knows who they are or if they are there.

It was clearly abuse by length of time the ordeal. Even if raising children, sounds are extremely hostile. There was a considerable amount of proof, yet we cannot always be there to report crimes. I remember hearing about a Teacher locking a Student in a closet. I did not go to school with them and would never be able to report the crime when it is happening. It was time to tell the community. Eventually the Teacher was caught.

I imagine working there. People thinking, "Maybe the problem will go away." The Teacher was sent to several workshops to improve teaching skills. Parent might be annoyed after a Teacher was accused of abusive behavior. They will be extremely angry when their Child tells them they about abuse at school. Someone at the school has to report the crime, yet they are mostly small children.

It sucks when people's reputations are damaged because of gossip. That is why most people hate gossip. Call the Sheriff's Office when witnessing a crime. Call the emergency help line when someone is committing a crime. When someone is caught committing a crime, there are few speculations about what happened and Criminals are more likely to be punished.

Most people dislike accusations of being hyperactive in reporting crimes. It is better to report crimes with knowledge that you actually saw or heard; instead of, what people are saying. Know there is something wrong when seeing or hearing a crime. Report what you see and hear. Try to get license plate numbers. Do not guess. Do not try to figure out who did it and go to someone's home to write down their license plate numbers. Try to see and remember the color and model of car while witnessing a crime. It helps to catch people when they are doing something wrong, not just because you have a bad feeling about them.

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