Lately I am thinking, "Why are a good portion of my blogs are about philosophy and psychology?" It is an extent of my social persona. It is an extent of my social persona because of events during maturity phases. More importantly, it is a type of obsession. I remember helping a group of friends with a fund raiser, before suffering form hypothyroidism. I was up, bold and caring. Later people called apathetic. As a teen someone close to me committed suicide.
There were several decisions. Apathy is wrong. They should know I like them. I could have been nice. It is important to someone likes you. That became a new reason for spending time with people even when they are rude or bossy. A few years later I want to save the Nice People because all the Nice People die. There are Nice People who are living. Who tries to assist the Nice People before they die?
Why do I feel qualified to write about these topics? I am like a Test Case. New treatments for depression were experimental. No one knew if it would help. It helped. I still think about suicide and weird thoughts about the world, yet within the normal levels of preoccupation. Previously most thoughts consist of why I felt tired, why everyone hated me, short term memory loss and how everything actually happened. There were few hours dedicated to anything else. Even in school, it was a challenge to get through the day without seeming too weird.
After hormone treatment maniacal thoughts, absolutes and wrong conclusions became occasional incidents so there was more time to think about life, future and feeling safe. Everything became better. It was easy to get a job and plod on like a respectable person. There is an abundance of post treatment. It is supposed to happen with a Psychologist, yet one Psychologist wanted to meet my family. She said they were overbearing. I could not understand why she wanted to start fights between my family and I. I stopped treatment and know years of therapy is either too uncomfortable or expensive for several people. Self help books and learning is a ongoing process throughout a person's life and less expensive. Recently I found reasons to believe living is better than going to Hell.
Perhaps reading "Dianetics" is assisting in following this thought pattern. It summarizes several translations of philosophies and clinical studies. The book is written in Regular English so Regular People might consider these foreign ideas. The basis for L. Ron Hubbard's was modern and mysterious when he wrote the book. Now copies of the original translations are available in book stores and textbooks everywhere. This is my first time reading "Dianetics," yet I am familiar with most of the philosophies and ongoing clinical tests to identify methods to improve theories.
Chapter 12 mentions people making decisions in association to abhorrent actions of other people. This includes family. Frequently genetics illnesses are transferred to multiple members of a family. Goiter is a problem and I had hypothyroidism. Members of the family, healthy or ill, develop a social philosophy to assist in improving the quality of life through dialogue and best practices when witnessing a particular action. L. Ron Hubbard uses molestation in his hypothesis. I cringe and then appreciate detrimental stories to bring attention to otherwise innocuous events. Freud was also known for making sterile science sound sexually perverse. Patricide and incest is more compelling than his own life; wherein, his parents believed he would be a great man and then he became a great man.
Already familiar with what people call hypnosis or regression therapy these techniques are also called meditation, prayer or dream interpretation. In Tao it is also known as contacting the Creature Spirits. Opening the mind to see Creature Spirits means a person is humble so they may sense portions of the Invisible Kingdom which contains intelligent animals. In many European Cultures understanding dreams, awake or asleep, equals attempts to understand the God's. In modern science those who analyze these ideals call it opening a link between the subconscious and conscious mind. A person opens awareness to the subconscious and then try to understand what the superior subconscious mind recommends because the subconscious and conscious mind speak different languages.
I am still dealing with ongoing emotions stemming from one event. Logical support is unavailable. Dualities form frequently, so I know there is a problem. I have a strong desire to avoid intimate relationships or become pregnant. The thought of purposely bringing another life into the world is mean. Those amongst the living try to make life tolerable. After being born life is challenging and full of experiences. You live and go from one respectable activity to another while knowing suicide is not optional. Restrain yourself from deadly activities and allow everyone to plod on with life.
Plodding was great for several years. Just put one foot in front of another. Use some intelligence in deciding the next life experience to keep going. It is weird that I have this attitude. In comparison to most lives my anomalies lean toward preferable experiences. Recently I was more daring and there are tedious anomalies forcing me to the other end of the parabola. The perception of preferable and tedious relates to the length of a person's life. Longer lives are preferred.
One time my Best Friend and a Group of Local Acquaintances through a Rave for my birthday. There was a huge crowd. They set up a video lab with my favorite programs. I should have been excited. It is one of those "best moments in my life" experiences, yet I felt sad. Something inside me would not allow this to be enjoyable. Now it is a few years since really talking to any of them. I know I am an ongoing part of the culture. It is awkward and everything is good.
I have thought about this issue for years. The behavior continues and sometimes gets worse with even more erratic dissatisfaction with enjoyment. Sometimes there is a frantic, exciting reaction to gain a "solid form of livability." Everything returns to a nice cringing almost depressing life, but it actually takes some work to make life adhere to my normal.
Usually people want to focus on trauma to find answers to problems. Sometimes it is a memory. As a Teen I respected someone who had suicidal depression. Sometimes they talked about life and death. There is no specific statement saying anything is better than life. Maybe sarcasm to the idea that no one would kill themselves because they might go to Hell. It is more about the way they walk and talk about life. They share being able to do whatever you want in Hell. Hell is better than knowing everyone around lies, because that is what people do to get along, though they don't lie when saying something nice to another person. Life and living are worse than the somewhat comical exaggerations of Hell.
I was in beginning phases of depression. Everything they said was flawless and true. Coping with depression I realize thoughts were twisting around each other. Since then I have had to make up tests to verify my beliefs about a person or situation has factual errors. This verifies or disproves what I thought was true. As a Test Case simply living is impressive though expectations are relatively high.
I can really help myself; ergo, I can really help other people. This preoccupation with depression, stress, narcissism and other aliments helps me as much as it helps other people. My purpose is helping in finding their purpose. I only post valid information and try to fact check materials so it coincides with a larger group of people who are able to verify information as mostly true. This is much better than simply observing life, though maintaining it is philosophy, because often theories are my opinion.
Hypnosis is dangerous. Meditation has been in use for eons. Now after several years I can say life is not worse than Hell. Though not believing in Hell, life is fine. Life can even be fun sometimes. There are highs and lows that are more than just a compilation of different sensations. I spend time thinking about protecting my weak fleshy body. I enjoy reading. I enjoy connecting with people on a personal level and it is fun. Life has a level of personal satisfaction.
ChaKation has meditations I came up with while practicing other meditations. The thought of living might seem tedious to those still feeling useless and hopeless. I hope this admission of enjoyment does not detour people from experimenting with the idea of seeing a doctor. It is another experience. Another experience were something happens and whatever.
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