Depression is awkward. Most people think it relates to feeling sad. Depression is not feeling sad. It is feeling useless.
Depression appears in my family at a variety of levels of intensity. I have several signs of physical depression. With sleep apnea and acute arrhythmia, I have always had a weak heart, yet still fall within the normal realms of being physically fit.
A psychologist told me I was normal. A physician told me I have better than average health. Even with this amazing amount of approval, I still feel dreary.
Frequently, my thoughts are negative. I am around other people or at home. The first response is to try to feel better and nullify things that bother me with a joke. I also try to think of the things that are done to make dwelling on short comings less meaningful.
It is awkward. For a few years in high school, I got angry at people for trying to cheer me up. Yet, I work on cheering myself up. It is hypocritical.
Trying to navigate thoughts and feelings, it is fine. Realistically, I am depressed. It is not someone else. There is not an amount of arguing or trying to become comfortable that will change anything.
It was good realizing this. It is easier to gain control over my emotions. Attempting to control everyone's emotions and behavior is overly complicated.
With this constantly in my life, I have learned to deal with it. It might be easier than going through the emotional roller coaster of stress caused depression or medications. Emotions are about the same.
Learning some tricks relating to feeling useless, it is easier to focus on something. Work and activities can change weeks of laying around into weeks of activities. Even if unable to find a job, the garden or house looks great. I can relax with a cup hot chocolate in my fresh smelling room while watching television. Improving tackle sensations around the house creates a sense of wealth. In addition, there is something to look at that distinguish between how I feel versus what I can do.
Thinking about all the things I have done, thoughts lean toward a better perspective on what could happen next. As a depressed thinker, it is easy to move from despondent, overly-critical ideas to motivated, spirited ideas of the future.
It only last so long. I have to be realistic. For whatever reason, realistic is a living portrait of hell.
People sense depression. They want the feeling to go away. I even find myself wanting to think of good things or listen to angry music. Sometimes, it is important to shut everything off and be depressed.
This sounds weird to people. However, a normal person can cry and feel better. What happens to a depressed person?
There are several people that think if they start crying they will never stop. They do not want to listen to depressing music or review depressing thoughts. Is the worst thing that could ever happen be cuddling into a blanket and asking yourself quietly, "What is really bothering me?"
I cry and frequently feel a lot better after wards. Does it matter if you cry for two weeks? Was it better losing your job after getting mad at someone?
I do not do it all in one night. I can pick the time to relax and gain a deeper grasp over my feelings versus real things going on in my life. I feel and think things that might be incorrect. Even identifying the thought and testing it against reality, there is a release from depression. There is a minimum result of clearing my mind to think about how to handle it. Frequently, I decide to live with it. I still feel it is too difficult to overcome. Issues bothering me are on hold or closer to acceptance.
An example of this is feeling plain. I already exercise, avoid wearing clothes with rips and take interest in caring about my appearance. I do not want to do more. I do not want to paint my finger nails or wear makeup every day.
Even when feeling down about not being able to get what I want when I want it, that is selfish. I should accept it like everyone.
I have built a website. I have organized a large social group for people to share and interact with each other. It is not a future hope or iffy dream. It It is better than a dull, lifeless groan plodding from one thing to another. It happens by working on it for awhile occasionally.
During my time doing things, I rapidly get things done. Even in times of severe depression, I have a list of two to four small activities that I create everyday to complete everyday. General hygiene and eating food are a given.
Sometimes a goal is going to an appointment. I will be just a unhappy there as at home. Therefore, I really only had to travel to and from the appointment. In addition to that, I will organize my dresser or send a letter.
That is the real way to make through depression. Feel sad. Let it encompass everything. Sometimes after falling into the deep agonies of crying for a long time, I have perky thought, "I am in love with my sadness." I admit my grasp on reality is overly critical. A functional pace goes somewhere.
