The Cute Girl or Guy

Often teens and some adults suffer confusion about talking to a girl/woman or boy/man for who they express a desire in having a relationship. Fact is, people talk to the person of whom is attractive.

Even as a girl there are books and videos explaining the issue of sending a friend to talk to the girl or boy they find attractive. The explanation is this system fails because it offers an opening so the friends chats with object of affection and find they like each other. I disagree with this opinion.

Even when feeling intimidation and choosing to approach someone's friend a person decides they are afraid of the person they claim to love. Their friend is more appealing. Later people still entertain the idea of dating the person they claim to love; except, this only excites unnecessary conflict.

Saying someone was insufficient when meeting or one of their friend was more attractive is saying they are inferior. Perhaps the explanation of intimidation satisfies cultural norms of acknowledging the typically more attractive person; yet it subverts acknowledging the typically more attractive person appears unattractive in arenas of likability, personality, character or preset negative opinions about "attractive" people.

Some of these conflicts involve creating insecurities or hostile gossip. As explained in "Pheromone Combined Instinct," people of the same gender ofter find each other inadequate. Everyone states positive and negative commentary about each other. Even when finding someone who seems perfect there is as much negative as positive gossip about them, yet they chose to accept positive gossip and ignore negative gossip when they find a person attractive. Unfortunately, spreading the negative gossip lends to alienating potential friends, so avoid using gossip as a measurable circumstance to judge another person.

Sometimes a person wants to send a friend to talk to a potential relationship to find out if they think about courtship before making their feelings known. This never makes sense. Their feelings will be know as soon as their friend talks to the person. The activity only introduces an opportunity for them to talk. In this action they have a reason to talk more, introduce the idea of courtship or simply parting ways because for whatever reason they are unavailable for courtship. Most of the time this reason is because they have found a relationship and spoke to them about a potential future together.

In either incident they pursue the relationship by talking to them. This does not mean talking to a person equals a relationship. There are several non-sexual relationships wherein people talk. Often family has to live with each other. Talking does not equal a relationship. Often people already in relationships to talk to each other in order to build friendships as a defense against the unknown equation of strangers. Single people also converse to maintain friendships for finding camaraderie, defensing themselves against strangers, finding financial opportunities and being more attractive to potential courtships.

As a woman it is difficult giving men the right sign. This sign is either wanting to pursue a relationship or not. An easy method to talk to guy friends and establish they are guy friends is by watching the clock. By mingling and making separations about ten o'clock sends a signal they are free to flirt with other women. Sometimes people feel inhibited in crowds. When going to a public place spend time together and then go home.

This system also works in relationships. Mingle and talk to other people besides a Significant Other before ten o'clock and then slowly begin talking to the Significant Other, so around midnight most time is spent with together while making plans to go home.

Issues around time disappears when living with someone. Whether roommate or family member home is the established maneuver to send the message to other people that space is required and not interested in a possible physical relationship. Ergo, in every instance no one ever sends a signal. The only method to subvert this is by stating an interest in the person which usually results in the roommate leaving. Family members become social outcasts that are unwelcome in their previous group of friends or amongst regular members of society who understand physical relationships between biological family or family through marriage suffer extreme amounts of ridicule because of extreme incompetence or lack of mental capability.

This is applies to regular people at conventions, field trips and sleepovers. The only available indication is announcing it is bedtime and retiring to a room or sleeping bag. There is a lack of available options; except, walking alone in the evening to create separation or finding busy work to establish there is no interest in a relationship.

Basically, create distance to avoid unwanted physical contact. Preoccupying their time when there is an opportunity to meet a lover or soul-mate is unfriendly. Be conscious of other people. For whatever reason romantic thoughts begin appearing at greater frequency throughout the night. Midnight is about the time most people think about going to bed.

I agree friendship is important in courtship, yet not all friends are courting. In a society wherein all people find one person to marry, if knowing they are only a friend whether living too far away, seeming uninteresting or overly interesting let them mingle to find someone else or simply walk away to do what you want and they are free to do what they want.

Love is a mutual sensation. Sometimes people send the wrong signs. They do not know what they are doing. Even someone reading this article cannot plan on everyone else reading this article; ergo, establishing exceptions and parameters of friendship or courtship earlier in the evening with a brief conversation alleviates awkward tension later at night.

Especially men are difficult to assess. Frequently they express mutual interest in everything, yet when there is no sexual option, there is no longer a reason to talk to one-an-other. It might seem as though this avoiding physical contact alienates potential for eternal love, yet there is no measurable lose. People talk to the people they share commonalities and they find attractive. I have met many men who appear to have similar interests and would make great friends, yet over several years there is only one guy, outside family, I still talk to infrequently about topics of mutual interest.

Related Article
Approaching the Opposite Gender
Non-Committal Date
Pheromone Combined Instinct
Romantic Friendship