Would I Miss Me?

Love of self is important. There are as many statements that other people are more important as there are statements saying loving yourself is important. There are statements that loving yourself is wrong.

There are scary phenomenons happening in the United States. Drug use, crime, rebellion and so forth are the apex of conversation. There is a common understanding if people knew these activities could kill them, then they would stop. As time goes by, there is the idea that life is not worth living without qualifying reasons to live. Threats of dying are moot points when someone wants to die.

People watch talk shows. Usually the focus is tragedy. Entertaining stories revolve around abnormality or despair. I feel it is because abnormal behavior is an extension of repression. Repression makes people normal. Avoid being too happy or too sad. People acting out are usually younger. People around them have similar issues and feel fine. They might encourage Young People to raise children or become active in larger groups. This will help them repress their feelings and emotional outbursts. This is called becoming an Adult.

Becoming an Adult is great. Their should be incentives to behave. Not behaving will result in losing something. Losing something would be awful, because then it will be harder to survive. What would you say to someone who decided they have lived long enough?

We should evaluate ourselves on what other people say about us. What if they say mean things. It appears as though other people are more important. Even when everyone values our existence we wonder what happens when they do not value our existence. It is awkward placing all of your ability or wanting to live on decisions of other people. They might be jealous and want attention. We can not control what other people think.

Life reaffirming statements teach us we have to love ourselves before loving others. There are many ways of interpreting these statements. We have to be comfortable with ourselves and understand ourselves to relate to other people.

Immediate focus is to gain approval from other people, yet it turns focus inward. You and I as people are what we are. We are types of animals who construct buildings for shelter. We need food. We want to be desirable. We want protection from members of our species. We want many of the same things, yet sometimes compete against each other to get the things we need. While wanting to behave in the admirable states of being, which is being preferable, we might behave or want contrary things and begin seeing similar activities with other people.

Release from inhibition is great, yet it might go to far. Activities of avoiding self destruction are great. There is time to start implementing plans leading to better and longer survival, yet it is still empty. I believe this is how people develop addictions to work and other beneficial activities. Other satisfying activities might revolve around being around other people all the time.

I remember having a habit of always needing someone around as a Teenager. Needing other people was starting to affect my life. If my Parents were away from the house a couple days I had to go to a Friend's house or invite a Friend to my house. It was terrifying sleeping alone, yet I should be studying or working on a project. It was so important to have a Friend to go to places, so they would be there if my Parents went on vacation. I felt codependent. I wanted to prove it was possible to sleep alone.

Since then I've lived in an apartment, by myself, for over a year. It was lonely. Too afraid to make New Friends, I found stuff to do. It was fine. I paid my bills and listened to music. I could listen to whatever I wanted to all day. However, I think it creates a need to be around people again. I cannot imagine people living on a farm, in the wilderness or in large empty mansions. Even with hobbies, it must be maddening. Who needs high tech cameras when neighbors make facial identifications on Strangers while being friendly?

Immediately in understanding something about myself I begin to understand people better. It is awful living alone. I was raised in a urban environment that denies it is urban. Contrast of absolute privacy does not exist. There is comfort when talking about this or that for entertainment. Sometimes people checks facts. Hostile or friendly, they go on with life mostly interacting with each other and there is nothing wrong. There is also nothing wrong with avoiding conversation. They talk about a distant and farcical event. I know having an opinion is asking permission to participate. I want to study or organize something special. Suddenly there is greater self control that also assists in coping with ongoing life. It is possible to to engage in socializing or work on work and school by limiting conversation.

Being comfortable is not bad. Being aware of how to navigate social situations is enjoyable. It bothers me when people condemn other people for being different. It is partially because of competition and partially because of threats, not threats by competition.

I realized several mean things people would say to me would not have been said if they felt sorry for me. I take it upon myself to be industrious and that is fine. Sometimes there are larger political issues or issues affecting everyone. There is a tendency to unite with those who have common ideas. Statements like, "I will treat you like how you treat me," are accurate, yet people with common ideas in a group usually talk to someone who has different beliefs with hostility or what to be appears hostility.

On occasion people want someone to defend their own existence. This should immediately be seen as wrong, yet it happens. No one knows a person better than themselves and when a farcical conversation s brought to the attention of the Person they are talking about, there is confusion. Gossip and interactions between people are confusing. Accusations do not make sense. I imagine people sitting around talking about various ideas. With brief eruptions of creativity, they entertain friends and then someone takes accusations seriously. It is threatening, yet not threatening on a competitive level. It is just threatening.

With everyone in motion, it is easy to feel lost in chaos. As a person with a popular personality, people often misunderstand me. They think I have tons of friends. Truthfully, I know a lot of people. I have become tired of, in general, people in the past. I have had as many Actual Friends as anyone else. They know me. I know them. We do stuff together and talk about life. This interaction isn't through books, television shows, films or internet connections. It is from spending time with someone long enough to realize who they are as a Unique Person.

Though being able to see someone as a genuinely unique person is great, the real question making it great to stay alive is asking if you would miss yourself. Would I feel bad if me living now; living as me, and living like I do with all my friends, family and life experiences no longer exists? Even if going to heaven, going to hell or reincarnating, self would not be the same. Death is the last experience anyone has while alive, there could be more to do and more to see.

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