Individualism is a heavily promoted ideal, but what does it mean? Personality tests, astrology, and group associations are all a part of finding oneself. The scientific method identifies something is by identifying what it is not. It appears when a person tries to be an individual they are no longer themselves.
Is anyone capable of being someone different than themselves? Peer pressure and stereotypes often influences decisions. The premise of belonging to groups and remove individuality makes sense. Contrarians do not allow a person to fully recognize their beliefs since they only disagree with what anyone says. We are attracted to idyllic personas. This is often a reflection of our own beliefs onto unknown people.
Sometimes life does not go as planned. When attempting to conceptualize what is cool, we identify what we believe is cool. It is disappointing when an attempt to impress another fails. Without speaking to them or finding out their perspective it is easy to realize they are not what we thought. The relationship will fail, because they think we're weird.
There are many occasions I was insulted by how people perceived me. Feeling as though they were not doing enough drugs, deceitful or promiscuous enough to impress me was unsettling. They assumed I did these things. My initial thought was, "Is that what you really think of me?" Then I realized they idealize these qualities. Being friends was okay as long as they respected me as a unique individual who does not share their impression of the world.
Then there are people who struggle against themselves by keeping account of how much better they are than others based on visual or superficial information. I dislike when people engage in one-upmanship, though I have also done it. Scorecards are developed by people's criticisms. Opinions on height, weight, appearance and intelligence become a method of evaluation. While this practice seems to affect the individual we only listen to people we respect according to our own value systems.
It is odd how much time is spent with another person before seeing them as a unique individual. Even then personal values filter a lot of information. We look for similarities in an attempt to fit them into an ideal or reflection of ourselves.
The other day I was thinking about making new friends. The first concern is a lack of loyalty. The second concern is if they will reflect their beliefs onto me. They may want to do something I normally avoid. It is easy to shrug off someone with awful intentions. It is complicated judging another person's values. They are not trying to be mean. They have the potential, yet the bonding process is like a cat dropping a dead rat at your feet. The cat is proud of the accomplishment, yet the rat is unappetizing and likely to go into the trash can.
Many sayings like, "Love yourself, so you may love others," is an extension of helping people recognize the best parts of themselves so they may see it in other people. Another point is people will like you for who you are, while others will always dislike you. It is better to focus on the people who like you and let other people live their own lives.
As in the old saying, "Love is a two-way street," both parties must want the relationship. Too much friction creates tense situations. This sounds harsh, yet in the event of a misunderstanding they will continue being themselves and expose you to overly exciting or boring situations. Why extend the relationship in order to gain popularity with someone who will never understand?
Though it may seem we are alone in out minds, it is easy to understand and relate to others through basic emotions, wants and needs. The first step is in realizing everyone is unique. The next step is learning how to see a person for who they are, even if it is only a sliver of their overall being. Everyone knows themselves much better than anyone else, yet there are ways of seeing people for who they really are.
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